Leftovers and Entitlement

It fails to meet logic for me, the thought that I have done anything wrong to an acquaintance simply because I’m dating and about to marry her ex-boyfriend. It boggles and baffles the mind.

A girl I’ve know on a very casual basis for the last 7 years happens to be the second of Chris’ 3 ex-girlfriends. They broke up about 5-6 years ago after dating a mere 4 months. They split because she’d cheated on him. As I’ve heard it explained by Chris, her, and others who were present during that time, Chris was quite hurt by her reckless and disrespectful actions.

Since that split they’d dated other people. She’d even moved out of state for a man she’d fallen in love with and since moved back here and recently back out of state again.

Chris and I are 4 months from getting married. The proposal was made, the engagement ring is on, families have been introduced, the wedding party has been selected, and wedding details are being ironed out. He and I truly couldn’t be happier.

However, she’s still bitchy about it all! I’m entirely perplexed at her thought process here. She posted the image above just this past weekend then complained how she dislikes when her friends date her ex-boyfriends, which on the surface sounds awkward at best. However, she fails to post the real details, at least about our situation, because apparently there are other friends of her dating or marrying her other ex-boyfriends.

I guess the fact that she blew it with Chris by cheating on him and going for another man is irrelevant. Or the fact that it was only a 4 month relationship 6 years ago. For gosh sakes move the heck on all ready! Or how about the fact that she and I are not remotely best friends, gal pals, or even particularly close friends. I know her but not very well and we’ve never really just hung out and been buddies. Friendly, yes, but nothing all too deeply connected as to deserve such undying devotion to our friendship that I should overlook her ex, my man, in favor of her.

Heck, she doesn’t even really want him back, told me so herself! Yet for some reason she considers it an insult to our “friendship” that I’m dating and now marrying her ex. Essentially she likened Chris to a “leftover” which just furthers my confusion regarding why she’s remotely bothered by our relationship.

Just days after Chris and I began dating she threw a tantrum and caused some drama. Funny thing is it’s because of her drama that Chris and I even started dating to begin with!

Well, that was back in May. Here it is now January, of a brand new year, and she’s still whining about how she’s been so disrespected because we’re dating and all the worse that we’re getting married. One of her friends replied “Gross.”


Another posted, “I just threw up a little in my mouth”. Really?! Just pathetic.

Though she disconnected from me on various other social media, she opted to keep me on her friends list on Facebook. I realized right off the bat it was so she could keep an eye on things. Honestly, I didn’t care. It wasn’t like I had anything to hide. Besides she does all her slag talk on her own page. It’s possible she actually hides some of the really unpleasant stuff from my view, but I have no idea. So when that pink image ended up on my feed I saw it, it was hard to miss. Then I read her comment just below the image: “…more than one “friend” has married or is going to marry one of my ex’s.” She further posted, “I would really hate to think that one of my “friends” had sex with the man I was going to marry… very gross indeed.”

Ugh, seriously?! That’s terribly immature. Just grow up!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish anything bad on her, unless you consider pulling her head out of her backside is a bad thing. I guess I’m just really surprised that she would still hold out any issue after this much time. She genuinely seems to feel I’ve done her wrong. I greatly disagree and think it’s all ludicrous.

Originally I believed that in time she would get over it and move on. She moved out of state and has the opportunity to take her life in any direction she desires, so it’s sad to see she’d rather sit in misery complaining about something that is not going to change in any way just to make her happy. I will NOT let got of Chris because she feels entitled to him simply because she slept with him first. She doesn’t own him or me and we owe her no allegiance. So her only options are to either get over it and move forward in her life and find what genuinely makes her happy, or to continue to waste more time wallowing in her unhappiness by making insulting and trashy remarks about us over something she has no entitlement to or control over.

I’m sitting here pondering, what in the world makes a person have such an unrealistic and arrogant outlook on life? She ruined and thus ended her relationship with Chris by choice. She never made our association much of a friendship beyond a casual association. So, how can someone with such disregard for Chris insist on a “hands off” policy by all the women she knows? Why would she feel she deserves such devotion when she herself has not yet displayed any devotion with the two people she feels a need to impose this upon?

I do realize that sometimes there are things in life that I’m just not going to understand. Apparently, this is one of them.



Tummy Talk: An Epic Drum Solo


10 thoughts on “Leftovers and Entitlement”

  1. Ah the ego… it’s not what “she” is doing, or even what “she”has done. The real question and what all your fellow bloggers want to know is, “what are “you” going to do? Are you going to put all your attention on the dysfunctional behavior, of someone your truly not connected to. OR are you going to follow your hearts desire, and cultivate a new direction based on personal integrity!?
    Wisdom is knowledge in motion, the ripples in a pond touch every corner, so be the wisdom! C Snell


    1. Christopher,
      I said my final peace to her on the post from which this blog post stems and removed her from my “friends” list on FB.

      I didn’t initially remove her because I thought she might get over things later down the road. We have a number of mutual friends, two of whom are Chris’ cousins (with whom he’s close) and they are her very good friends. I was hoping that peace would be made and life could go on. I was hoping for a healthier balance as I figured I may see her when visiting cousins or at family gatherings.

      But it’s been almost a year and nothing has actually changed. So I changed it. I cut that final tie. Now Chris and I are free to move forward unhindered by her toxicity.


    1. Thank you Anna! Good to hear from you! Sorry I’ll miss seeing you at PCon next month. Hopefully, if things fall just right into place, I can make it to Merry Meet this year. I really do miss seeing everyone. Grand Council debates, not so much.


  2. Sounds like this person is simply toxic. If her feelings are so negative, and you’re not the best of friends to begin with, why not simply cut the remaining tie(s)? Is there *any* good being brought to your life by allowing the toxicity to spread? You may not think it bothers you, but that’s when I point out that her negativity occupies enough of your brain cycles that you’ve posted a blog entry about it.


    1. Aaron,
      You’re right. She is. I didn’t cut ties last year because I truly hoped she would mellow out and get over it. We have mutual friends. Two of her good friends are Chris’ first cousins with whom he’s quite close to as well. I was hoping to keep some assemblance of peace until real harmony could be restored. I assumed I would see this person at occasional family gatherings and didn’t want awkwardness or strain if possible.

      But after nearly a year and she’s still so bitter over what no one else can seem to find logic within, I’m done. I posted a reply stating my final words on the topic to the post from which this blog post was inspired and “unfriended” her on Facebook.

      I’m sure she’ll spin more unhappy drama, but you know, I graduated from high school 25 years ago, this stuff is just absurd! So I’m done.

      Thank you for the helpful reminders. 🙂


  3. Random thoughts on this:

    Holy cow! If every man that had a prior relationship was “hands off” to any other women no one would be getting married! Crazy thought process going on here!

    Sometimes I find that left-overs are so much better the second day!

    The Epic Drum solo was def. EPIC!!

    Thanks!!! Always enjoy reading your thoughts!


    1. Nikki,

      I know! Right?! It’s unbelievably silly! Crazy indeed.

      Most leftovers are better the next day. Except french fries. 😉

      Glad you like the Epic Drum Solo.

      Thank you for reading, and checking in on me. I really appreciate it!


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