Category Archives: Paganism

Wicca, Weddings, and Family

My fiancé and I are in fairly regular contact throughout the day, nothing major, just simple connections at certain times of the day. Usually updates on our busy schedules and comforting words of encouragement or love notes to make each day a little brighter.

We only text each other in person when we are unable to talk out loud.
We only text each other in person when we are unable to talk out loud.

After returning home from his martial arts class last night Chris sent me the following text:

Just spoke to mom about a bunch of things: your gift list, Xmas breakfast, and Wicca. She had questions and felt better asking than assuming. 🙂

I read that and immediately called him!

The conversation went something like this:

 Me: “Hey! Sooo… what did she ask???”

Chris: “Oh she just wanted to know more about Wicca and what it meant. She asked if she’d heard correctly about you mentioning your coven”

Me: “Uh… ok.” *sounding a tiny bit worried*

Chris: “Mom is pretty open-minded. She likes to watch those episodes about Ancient Egypt on the History Channel so she has a bit of an understanding about pre-Christian religion.”

After they talked I guess both Chris and his mom realized they had concerns regarding his grandmother. His Italian Catholic grandmother from New Jersey, more specifically.  Luckily, this isn’t news for me; we’ve already talked at length about this from the very beginning.

Pope_John_Paul_II_beatification

I then reminded him about my families. On my father’s side my great-aunts are such devout Catholics they used to go on Pope tours! They are quite proud to be Polish and when he was still alive they followed John Paul II around from location to location as though they were Dead-heads and he was the Grateful Dead. (I’m certain there’s a joke in there somewhere. I shall resist.)

In contrast, my mom’s side, who are also Catholic, are Filipino Catholic and thus a bit more superstitious, but also incredibly devout Catholics, especially when it came to baptisms, weddings, and funerals.

And then we have my birth mother’s side of the family. They’re predominantly Mormon, with many of them being the Temple garment wearing type of Mormons. So, very devout.

anchorage-mormon-temple1
Mormon Temple in Anchorage, AK

Members from all three of these families will be invited to our wedding.

I told him last night that how people behave or react to our choice of religion or wedding ceremony is simply not something we can waste time worrying about. There is the chance that they’ll be gracious enough to attend with an open mind and enjoy it for what it is. However, if they have deep issues with it, they don’t need to attend. It would certainly be disappointing if that happened, but then the choice to ruin their opportunity for sharing in our joyous moment was done so by them, not us.

I also suggested that by worrying over it, giving energy to the possibility of problems creates drama where none has yet occurred. That perhaps it would be in our best interest to not yet worry about something that has not shown it’s self to assuredly be an issue. If it does indeed become an issue we’ll deal with it then.

He knew I was right. (This marriage-to-be is already off to a great start!)

I do know that some of my family members are uncomfortable or just critical of my choice of religion, among other things. Those family members in particular are not very close to me, nor have they ever made much of an effort to get to know me anyway, so their criticism of me is irrelevant to my overall well being. In other words, I don’t care what they think. Coincidentally, none of them will be invited to the wedding. 😉

I have other friends where the family religion conflict was such a big issue for the wedding that it brought strife and many tears to the should-be-happy couple.

I’m aware that some situations are complicated, but in my opinion, if the happy couple are paying for their own wedding, the unpleasant and unkind criticism of the couple by family regarding their happy day should be kept to one’s self. It seems unreasonable and selfish to put pressure on a couple to do their ceremony in a way different than what they wish for just to please those who are critical of them.

wedding-crashers-picture

This is supposed to be a celebration of love, if you’re bringing hurtful criticism and unreasonable demands to the table it’s time you step back and figure out what your overall motivation is and why you insist on doing such a thing.

Anyway, it seems like more conversations may occur before our wedding, but I’m up for it. Luckily, I have a fair amount of experience explaining Wicca to those with no previous exposure to alternative religions. Such is life outside the broomcloset!

RANDOM MUSIC

Russian pop-music! This song was released in 2005. Arash is an Persian performer, who resides in Sweden. Blestyaschie (Russian: Блестящие, English: The Shining Ones) are a Russian pop group. Though Arash is known for singing in Persian, in this particular song he’s singing in Russian. I love the blending of the cultures in this song. Very fascinating!

Arash Feat. Blestyashchie~ Vostochnye Skazki (Russian: Восточные сказки, English: Oriental Fairytales)

Are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

People who are unfamiliar with Wicca, or any who genuinely practice witchcraft, upon learning you identify as a witch will inevitably ask perhaps what I consider a rather rude question, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” What the heck kind of a question is that?!

Your new neighbor is a plumber, is the first question you ask him going to be, “Are you a good plumber or a bad plumber?” How about meeting your friend’s new boyfriend and turns out he’s a computer programmer, will you then ask, “Are you a good programmer or a bad programmer?” Or better yet, you discover a new friend is Christian, will you then ask them, “Are you a good Christian or a bad Christian?” Seriously, folks, use a little common sense and quit quoting a silly movie. You’re not Glinda and this isn’t The Wizard of Oz!

larping I understand that for some there’s no difference between Hollywood’s rendition of witches, historical treatment of witches, and modern day witches. Perhaps they think we’re like a group of LARPers and are taking our mage characters a bit too far? Or because they’d been taught all their lives that witches only existed in fairy tales therefore we’re just fooling ourselves? Or better yet, maybe they think we’re Satanists doing whatever it is they believe Satanists do? (If you read my 1st entry to the 30 Day Blog Challenge you’d know the answer to that one.)

Now, realize, I can not and do not speak for every Wiccan or witch (yes there can be a difference) out there, mainly because we are individuals and may not have the same traditions, practice, or perspective. I will say that I for one prefer to be treated with a basic level of respect, as I’m sure most people do. However, by asking any of us this question it actually shows a certain level of ignorance by the questioner, a tremendous lack of grace, and all at the same time is disrespectful.

220px-The_Spiral_Pentacle_by_SingingGandalf

I have been asked this question by almost every person that has interviewed me for news or tv. Not all, but most. When I did the Women’s Entertainment TV show “The Secret Lives of Women – Occult” in 2008 I was asked this question. I will admit, it’s the one answer I actually regret. I took the question and gave it a slight spin, more about how no one is absolutely good or bad, rather that we’re all a bit of both. Looking back, I don’t feel I was as clear in conveying that viewpoint as I could have been. Though it wasn’t remotely my first time on TV, it was my first national TV show. Also while the filming for that show on whole was very pleasant, it was still rather stressful and my best reasoning for my answer was that I was just not thinking it out as thorough as I could have. Of course, hind sight is always 20/20, right?

Things that go through my head when someone asks, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

• This isn’t The Wizard of Oz, idiot.
• Which answer will give me a discount on my Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino® Blended Crème? (Yes, even in my head it’s a registered name)double-chocolate-chip-frappuccino
• If I say I’m a bad witch will you then leave me alone?
• I’m good at what I do.
• How did they know I ate that donut when I should’ve had a healthy snack?
• I’m really bad about getting to sleep at a “normal” hour.
• Of course I’m a good witch! Just ask my students.
• Seriously? Were you simply unable to come up with a more original question?
• My name is MistressPrime… you figure out which one you want me to be and then deal with the consequences.

My suggestion is instead of asking that very ridiculous question, be mindful and ask what you really want to know, “You’re a witch? What does that mean?” or “Tell me more about it!” Some people may not give you any further details, but others are happy to explain it to someone who might be genuinely interested.

RANDOM MUSIC

One of my coven sisters is a big Kristin Hersh fan and brought me along to one of her concerts. I fell in love with Kristin’s music and writing. This is a short film about Kristin Hersh and her live multimedia performance based on her memoir, “Paradoxical Undressing”. This was actually the inspiration for today’s post.